Lucidity
by AWildeRomantic
Summary: A call from Sam leads Jack to find her bleeding on the living room floor. But those wounds are just superficial, there's others they have to worry about. SJ DanJan. ThreadsAU.
1. The Ringing

A/N – I really don't know what inspired me to write this…but I wanted to do something with stream of consciousness. So here it is. Kinda angsty. Sorta Threads-AU. Janet's not dead and Hammonds still the head of the SGC, but it's set towards the end of Threads… And there'll be more to come after this.

Chapter 1: The Ringing

The rain fell on the windowpane with a soft tapping noise. Outside it was black and the light of the street lamp fell through rain streaked windows to cast a yellow running pattern on the wall.

Sam lay on the living room floor, watching the pattern of light that seemed to run like water down the white plaster, mimicking the tears running down her face. She hadn't moved from where she'd fallen almost an hour ago, after the door had slammed shut behind Pete.

She didn't think he'd react _that_ badly. But people do stupid things when they're hurt, and maybe she deserved it. Gingerly she touched her cheek, it was swollen and still sore. Sam could almost hear Janet telling her to put ice on it, but she ignored the stray thought. The house was silent, except for the faint buzzing of the appliances in the kitchen.

Sam was crying again. She remembered that Janet wasn't there, and her father was gone, and Pete was gone because of that and…

Her cellphone rang. Sam's eyes traveled over to where her purse sat on the floor next to the couch. She reached…twisted…and grabbed the strap, pulling it to her and finding her cellphone.

"Hello?"

"Geeze, Carter, you ok? I didn't wake you up did I?"

"No, sir, I'm just…doing nothing."

"Huh. Wish I could be doing nothing."

"Did you need something?"

"Yeah…did you ever give me that report from our last mission? I know it's a bad time but…Hammond and some people in Washington wanted to see it."

"I think I did…if not it's on my lab table."

"Thanks Carter." There was a long pause, and Sam almost thought he'd hung up. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine, Sir." That was the least convincing reply she'd ever given. But she couldn't let Jack see her now…what would he think?

"Right. See you tomorrow, Carter."

Sam sent the phone sliding across the carpeting. Her head hurt, her mouth hurt, her whole being hurt. She tried to sit up. Her head hurt some more and the side of her face felt sticky.

Shit. A dark stain spread across the carpet where her head had been resting a minute ago. Sam tried to get to her feet. She staggered. The yellow patterns on the wall seemed to lung forward and grab her, pulling her back to her knees, back to the floor which was tilting wildly now. But Sam stuck fast, probably due to the sticky substance on the side of her face. Her hand closed around her cellphone and she dialed the only number she could think of.

"Sir, I'm not alright."

"You want me to come over?"

"They key's under the mat."

"What?"

A confused silence while Sam tried to string her thoughts together. "I can't stand up."

"Oh, jeeze, Carter, I'm on my way over. What happened?"

"I dunno…" An annoying beep sounded in Sam's ear. The battery was dying. A second later it cut out and she was alone again. The cellphone slid from her hand.

Outside the rain fell harder. Sam reached out to touch the dark stain that was a few feet from her. It was dry now, the carpet spiky and rough. Some feet from that, across the room, a dark rectangular object lay on the floor.

The book.

Sam would never read it again. It was possible the pages were now glued together with guilt and it _couldn't_ be read again…

Far away she heard the sound of a car in the driveway. She was hungry. She hoped whoever it was would have food. Footsteps on the porch. They weren't Pete's, thank god, his were lighter and less purposeful then that. A pause…the door opened.

"Carter?"

The book had hurt. Whoever had said that words can't hurt you obviously hadn't ever been hit in the face with a hardcover copy of the Millsbury Reference of Astrophysical Equations and Theories.

A light clicked on, pushing the yellow patterns on the wall into oblivion. Sam couldn't raise her eyes to see whoever it was, but she did hope they'd brought something to eat. Her stomach rumbled.

"Oh my god! Carter, what the hell happened?!" Jack was beside her, taking her bruised and bleeding face in his hands. "Carter! Can you hear me?!" Sam could see him, she could hear him, but her head hurt too much to respond, so she just blinked up at him. Her vision blurred. His cellphone was in his hand and he was calling an ambulance.

"Why're you turnin' off the light?" Sam slurred as Jack closed his cellphone.

He leaned closer. "What?"

"The light," she gestured vaguely at the light on the ceiling. "Its…turning off." Darkness closed around her. She heard herself calling Jack's name, and then nothing more.

* * *

"For the last time, Doc, I have no idea what happened!" 

Janet Fraiser, CMO, resident miracle woman for surviving a full-on staff blast, and sacred goddess of the archaeologist Daniel Jackson, turned to regard the colonel with a worried look. "Well, what did you see when you found her?"

Jack closed his eyes, rubbing his fingers over his temples. No one should have to go through this much mental stress at eleven o'clock at night. But his second had a mild concussion and would start babbling incoherently the second the sedatives wore off.

"There was blood."

"Where?"

"On the floor. A big pool of it like she'd just been lying there."

"What else?"

"Her purse…and a book." Jack traced an outline in the air. "Hardcover. Someone had dropped it."

Janet's perfect eyebrows raised to where her bangs touched her forehead. "Someone had hit her in the face with a heavy object, I'm willing to bet it was that book."

"Jesus."

"Any idea of who it was?"

Jack answered with the only thought going through his head. "Who would want to hurt Carter?"

Hammond marched in, looking like an angry bullfrog in uniform. "What happened? I heard Major Carter was injured."

"Mild concussion and bleeding from a cut in her mouth," Janet recited. "Someone hit her in the side of the head with a heavy object and she bit the inside of her cheek."

"Dear God." Hammond peered around the small doctor to where Sam lay on the infirmary bed with an IV in her arm. "Any idea of when she'll wake up?"

"I think it's more of a question of when she'll be able to talk, Sir," Jack's hands were on his hips. No one did that to a member of his team and got away with it. "She was awake but babbling incoherently – and I mean more than usual - a few minutes ago."

Janet began ushering the two men out of the room with a promise that she'd let them know when Sam was awake.

* * *

"Fuck it, Sam, just fuck it all." He was never that angry. His usually gentle expression was twisted into one of spite and sorrow. It made Sam feel guilty. 

"I'm sorry," she repeated herself for the fourth time that evening.

"Sorry doesn't fix it and it sure as hell doesn't explain anything to me!"

"There's nothing to explain, I'm sorry!"

He turned his attention to the book that lay open on the table. A big hardcover book whose pages were filled with complicated looking equations and theorems. The sort of stuff that would have Jack O'Neill either fast asleep or running screaming from the room.

"Jack O'Neill."

"What about him?" Sam clasped her hands, unclasped them, let them fall to her sides. Up straight, shoulders back, just like a good soldier.

"Frat regs my ass. I know how much you pay attention to those." The fact that he'd sworn no less then five times in the past half hour really should have tipped Sam off.

"You think that's what this is about? Because its not."

"Then what is it about?" The book was closed in his hands now, as he turned to face the one woman he loved more than anything, and the one woman he wanted to hurt as bad as he could. " 'Cus it's not just your father. You wouldn't be doing it this way if it was just your father. This is too planned out." You don't plan breakups the way you plan a funeral, but someone always is dead by the end of both.

"This is about me…I'm the one having problems." Sam sighed heavily, her breath drying her lips on the way out. She licked them. "I'm sorry."

"That's never enough!" The book flew, his hands around it until it smashed against her perfect face, then he let go. It landed on the floor with a dull thud. For a moment as he stared into those blue eyes he thought he'd killed her and her body just hadn't fallen over yet. She didn't open her mouth, but her eyes flicked down, her posture slumping slightly.

Fleeing the scene of the crime, he slammed the door behind him.

Sam coughed and something wet dribbled down her chin. The world seemed to catch up with her and she fell to the ground. Her lips parted and pain slipped out between them onto the carpet as the world and the room darkened, a night quickened by a thunderstorm. Her ears were ringing, loud and painful.

Why did he do it? Two minds wondered, one sprawled on the floor, the other hurrying away in his car. Dear God….why did he do it?


	2. In My Head

A/N – There's a slight homage to Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury in this chapter…'Tis one of my fave books. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!

**Stusue-** thanks! I love writing like this…it's such a refreshing break from realism. :P

**VisualIDentificationZeta ** - Hmm…I wouldn't be _that_hard on Pete. He's not evil, just…confused. I personally think that he really _did_ love Sam; they just both have some issues they need to work out

**J-to-the-essica** – I'm glad you found it so powerful! I'm not really into pete-bashing either, but I think that under certain circumstances we'll all do stupid and crazy things…And more of him will be revealed as the story goes on…

* * *

Chapter 2: In My Head

When fluorescent lights get old they start to flicker. The light above Sam's head flickered approximately every five seconds. She knew that it had something to do with the starter filament failing to kick enough energy into something…but she wished someone would change it; it was giving her a headache. Or maybe her headache was what made the light flicker.

Indistinct shapes and thoughts seemed to swirl across Sam's line of vision; people without faces, faces without people…The heavy weight of the book pressed down on her head and she wanted to tell someone to move it but her lips didn't seem to be working. They felt thick and heavy. At least her face wasn't sticky anymore.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"I think with some rest and care she should be fine…She's running a bit of a fever, and showing other minor symptoms, but the body reacts strangely when put under stress…"

Her stomach churned and sometimes the ringing in her ears was too loud to bear. And sometimes at night when she was alone in the observation room Sam thought she heard whispering…More than once she thought she heard her name. But no one was there…

Someone held a cup of blue jell-o under her nose.

"Breakfast?" Sam raised one eyebrow, following the hand holding the cup up an arm and to the face of her CO.

"It's one o'clock in the afternoon."

Sam gave him an annoyed look. "I can't see the sun in here." _Duh_.

Jack shook the cup a little. Sam took it.

"How you feeling, Carter?"

The jell-o felt smooth and cool doing down Sam's throat. The inside of her cheek still hurt, but the jell-o felt nice.

"Sore."

Jack was quiet a moment. "Yeah…so uhm – "

"Pete." Sam said quietly, spooning at the jell-o. Jack's eyes were boring into the side of her skull and she was sure if she looked at him she'd be blinded by their intensity.

"What?" The word fell to the floor the same way the book had. Heavy.

Sam cautiously looked at Jack. His brown eyes were blazing angrily now, though it wasn't directed at her. She swallowed and winced slightly. "Pete hit me with a book. That's why I have a headache."

Jack didn't point out to her that she had a lot worse than just a headache. "You done with that?"

Sam pushed the empty cup into his hand and he stood up and left.

"Fucking bastard!" The door closed behind Jack and he let out an angry roar, throwing the glass cup against the concrete wall. Shards of light fell tinkling to the ground and an airman stared, transfixed at the sight. Jack turned and kicked the wall angrily.

Just wait until Jacob hears, he'll…But Jacob was gone. He wasn't there with Selmak to bring unholy Tok'ra wrath down on the man who'd hurt Sam. Sam didn't have her father who cared about her so much.

"I need to talk to you, Jack." It was one of those rare moments in the Tok'ra hideout when there wasn't much activity going on. Jacob was watching Jack over the top of a large, flat crystalline table.

Jack looked up from polishing his P90. "Yeah?"

"You and Sam are pretty close, aren't you?"

"Considering the fact that she's saved my ass on several occasions…I'd say we are…" All of SG-1 was close. Teal'c watched over them all like a big brother, Daniel was there whether to be cute or annoying, and Sam…Jack was forever _trying_ to tell himself she was like his sister, his comrade in arms, but somehow she couldn't ever quite fit that image. It was too small for her.

The gesture of Jacob's hand encompassed the room, the tunnels beyond, and the whole known universe. "There's so much out there that could hurt my little girl. So many big bad things out there"

"Huh."

"But it's some of the things closer to home that I worry about more."

Jack leaned back in his seat. Hand, hat brim, tilt, done. "What's this about, Jacob?"

"Sam."

"What about her?"

"Oh, come on, Jack," Jacob chuckles. "I'm not going to be around much longer. You can tell me. I've seen the way you look at her, I saw the was she was around that Pete Shanahan character…She wasn't really happy."

"Jacob…" Jack tilted his hat brim a little lower.

"Just take care of her, Jack, that's all I'm asking." Jacob's voice was quiet. "Some fathers might be suspicious…but I trust you with her, Jack. More than anyone else."

The tunnels were below a rainforest. When Jack reached the surface dark clouds were forming overhead, and as he tilted his head up to look at the leafy green canopy, raindrops began falling on his face.

One…Jacob.

What had he been talking about? Sure Jack cared about Sam, but was it that obvious?

Two…Samantha.

He'd always hated scientists. But she wasn't just a scientist; she was Sam Carter. A regular Amazon.

Three…Shanahan.

Jack hadn't liked the guy the first time he'd heard of him. When Sam was humming in the elevator Jack felt extremely disappointed that he, himself, wasn't the cause of her sudden joy.

Four…regulations.

Sam was his 2IC. He was sure many heads would be turned if it was heard that Jack O'Neill was having a romantic relationship with his second who was beautiful, intelligent, and more than ten years his junior.

One, Jacob. Two, Samantha.

Oh it was a dilemma, all right. A big fat dilemma.

Three, Shanahan. Four, regulations.

Heads would be turned. Now, Teal'c and Fraiser, they already knew. They'd heard Jack's admission at that zatarc testing.

One, Jacob. Two, Samantha. Three, Shanahan. Four, regulations.

Thousands upon thousands of light years from home, there wasn't really anything Jack could do about it. For the moment.

"Colonel O'Neill. I will not allow you to pass until you have gained control of your senses."

Jack's path was blocked by the huge form of the Jaffa; former first prime of Apophis. Behind which a brown haired, bespectacled archaeologist peered worriedly at his friend.

"Teal'c, let me get by, I need to talk to Hammond." Jack growled.

"You are not in your right mind. You should calm yourself."

Jack glared defiantly up at him, taking a few deep breaths. "Happy now?"

Teal'c turned to step aside, but he and Daniel both followed Jack up to Hammond's office.

"Sir! I want you to find that no good son-of-a-bitch and lock him up!" Jack roared, completely oblivious to the fact that some highly decorated official was standing in Hammond's office.

The general did his bullfrog imitation and seemed to puff up before snapping, "Colonel O'Neill control yourself!"

"I'm sorry, Sir." Jack was eyeing the official from the pentagon, who was barely controlling a smirk.

The other man nodded once. "I'll leave you to deal with this, General. I'd like to have those reports, though."

"Yes, sir." Hammond saluted and the man left. Then Hammond rounded on Jack. "What?"

"It was Pete Shanahan, sir," Jack was feeling angry again. He wanted to break something. The model airplane on Hammond's desk was awfully inviting.

"What?!" Hammond and Daniel, their voices nearly an octave apart, both exclaimed.

"Yeah," a fake grin somehow plastered itself onto Jack's face. "I kinda want to bash his pretty little face in right now."

"Colonel O'Neill control yourself." Hammond reprimanded for the second time. "We'll look into this." He ushered them out of the room.

* * *

"On Chulak, it is considered highly immoral to harm your spouse. A crime most grievously punished."

Sam was barely conscious. She didn't want to be conscious. The drugs that Janet kept giving her kept the pain in her head at bay, but there was another pain deep in her chest that was always there, throbbing.

"Yeah, well, you're not supposed to do that here, either, but some people do. Fucking bastard."

The pillow was so soft. The bed wasn't the most comfortable but after lying on the carpet in her living room for an hour, anything felt nice.

"Why would he want to do that to Sam? I mean…I couldn't imagine her doing something malicious towards someone she cared about. She's not like that."

The pain dissipated for a little while. Sam focused on the steady beep of the heart monitor. Did they have a machine that could monitor how your heart _felt_? She was sure that one would be flat lining for her by now.

Someone was gently running their fingers through her hair in a calm, soothing, repetitive motion.

Janet looked up at Daniel from her perch on the edge of Sam's bed. The two stared at each other and seemed to have one of their silent conversations, glances conveying what words couldn't. Janet was paged to the infirmary. She stood up and left.

Teal'c and Daniel eventually drifted out as well. If a Jaffa could drift, Teal'c most certainly could.

Fingers once again were being run through Sam's hair. She rolled over and looked up at Jack.

"Hey, Carter."

She found herself unable to speak, unable to move her mouth at all. Or move any part of her body. It was as if her limbs had suddenly lost the will to move.

Jack's hand felt so warm against her cheek. Sam's eyes fluttered shut. Jack hesitated a moment, then stood up and left the room to join Daniel and Teal'c where they were waiting behind the glass observation windows.

That night Jack dreamed a phantasmagoria of images. Something pure was lost. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Sam awoke in the middle of the night. She stared up at the blank windows above her. The whispering was back, a hundred voices hushed, some speaking out louder. She squinted at the reflections in the window, a face appeared, grinning down at her. She heard her own scream, far away, beyond the voices.

Seconds, minutes, or may be hours later Jack's arms were around her, holding her close while Teal'c's presence kept the phantoms at bay and Daniel and Janet watched worriedly from the other side of the bed.

* * *

A/N – Just wanted to give a shout out to Janet, she knows who she is! Lol :D And thanks again to everyone who's reviewed…you make my writing worthwhile… 


	3. It's Getting Louder

A/N – The poem used in this chapter, "Tale of a Woman Lost" is copyright 2007 by me. So don't steal it, or I will send my first prime after you! Muahahaaaa! It was written specially for this story, but I like it as it's own thing too...

Chapter 3: It's Getting Louder

It was amazing that a pouch of clear liquid could stop a person from crying, from sobbing out in despair, from hurting themselves. But Sam now lay blissfully asleep, while her friends hovered around her bed, concerned.

A thousand questions chased themselves around in Jack's head. The one that popped out was, "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know…" Janet said quietly, looking sadly down at her friend. Daniel put an arm around her.

Jack wished he could have someone to put his arm around. It would make him feel better. His eyes fell back to Sam's face. The bruise was still there, but not as dark. It was beginning to heal.

"I don't know!" Janet said again, sounding bitter. "She should be better by now, but its like her body doesn't want to get better…" she sniffed, "I don't know what I can do."

"You all go back to sleep." Jack muttered, pulling up a chair and sitting down. "I'll stay with her."

The night moved on, an unseen flow somewhere beyond the tiny observation room deep within Cheyenne Mountain.

I told you I'd take care of her, Jacob. I promised.

* * *

Sam sat on the chair at her lab table. All her equipment was laid out before her, but she just stared at it. She didn't really want to do this. She'd merely gone to her lab out of habit after she was finally allowed to resume work again as normal, though she noted suspiciously that SG-1 wasn't scheduled for any off-world missions for a while. Pity…she could have used the distraction. 

Murmur…Sam…murmur…

Time to go back to the commissary, back to the noise and friendly camaraderie. Sam found a cup of blue jell-o and sat at her usual table.

SG-3 was laughing together in a corner. The newest member looked over at Sam and grinned. She lowered her eyes.

The light shone through the jell-o, refracting off the part where her spoon had cut into it and casting a geometric pattern on the tablecloth.

The book had looked so flimsy and small in Pete's hands, despite the fact that it was so big and hard. It felt like a brick when it hit her in the face. Sam jumped at the exact moment that Jack walked into the commissary. The cup of jell-o fell to the floor and shattered.

Jack swooped down with another cup of jell-o and called for the janitor. Sitting down across from Sam he grinned.

"Jeeze, Carter, between the two of us they won't have any of those cups left."

His smile wasn't reflected at all on Sam's face. She nodded her head and continued eating.

Jack tried again. "Have you eaten anything besides blue jell-o?"

"Yes, sir. I had a cereal for breakfast. And a sandwich yesterday."

"Okay…" Jack watched her over his plate of spaghetti.

Sam couldn't bring herself to look at Jack. Her gaze wandered instead to the doorway, where a little girl stood, completely ignored by the officers passing in and out of the commissary. The girl seemed to notice Sam watching her and smiled, before turning and moving her hands in a clapping game with some invisible friend. Above all the noise, Sam heard the girl chanting:

"_Three bold men stand atop of a hill,  
One talks fast and the others are still,  
Far down below in the valley so green,  
A river is soiled by a force unseen."_

She wandered over to the table, hanging on the edge and staring up at Sam.

"_Who are these men and where do they go?  
What about the river do they wish to know?  
Do they want to know her future?  
Do they want to know her past?  
Do they want to know how to make her beauty last?"_

The girl looked at Sam with a calculating and judgmental expression. She reached out for the cup of jell-o, but Sam pulled it away.

"Carter?"

Sam looked up.

"You ok?" Jack's confused gaze swept the area Sam had been staring at. Sam quickly filled her mouth with jell-o and nodded, purposefully ignoring the tugging at her sleeve.

* * *

Hammond really hated dealing with the police. Dealing with anyone outside the SGC on matters concerning one of the SGC's officers was always a pain in the ass; secrecy, national security and all of that. But seeing as Shanahan was a detective, Hammond found himself with no other choice. Fifteen minutes time found him talking on the phone with Shanahan's boss, an extremely unhelpful person. 

"Sorry, Pete's taken some time off, General. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. Is there a problem?"

"I'd say there is!" A bit of Jack's anger seemed to have worn off on Hammond over the past couple days. "He's facing charges of domestic abuse and assaulting an air force officer."

"Pete? Pete Shanahan?" Not that Hammond hadn't already made clear exactly who he was talking about. The silence was filled with a thousand other questions that Hammond knew he couldn't answer.

"Hrumph." Hammond broke the silence finally. "Just get a hold of him. This isn't over."

* * *

Someone, Daniel probably, or maybe Janet, had cleaned the stain off the rug and straightened things up a bit. Except for the pencil cup on the end table next to the couch. That was still tipped over. Standing on the spot where the stain had once been, Sam stared at the cup. She remembered bumping it over with her elbow. 

The TV had been on. She and Pete were sitting on the couch together, Sam's mind not on anything in particular. Pete had gently rested his hand on hers, but when he leaned over to kiss her neck she pulled away slightly, he tried again and Sam had turned, knocking the pencil cup over with her elbow.

One of her slender hands came up to rest on Pete's chest; a silent rebuke.

Now Sam carefully rearranged it, making everything the way it was before anything had happened, methodically driving the last vestiges of her painful memories from the house. Well after night fell Sam changed into her pajamas and finally climbed into the cold, empty bed.

Jack loved the night sky. It was like looking through a huge window at the world beyond, and knowing that there were things going on out there that he _didn't_ have to worry about, and probably didn't even know where happening.

He felt like a child again, lying on his back and staring up at the velvety blackness.

Sometimes he felt like he was about to fall off the earth.

Jack stood up and went back into the house. For a brief moment he was tempted to call Sam and make sure she was OK, but after seeing her being pestered with questions all day he guessed that she probably wanted some time alone.

The refrigerator hummed pleasantly when Jack opened it. The yellow light spilled across the floor of the darkened kitchen.

The darkness.

Its only purpose seemed to be to remind Jack of how lonely he was. When Sara and Charlie were still around, it was never dark. The lights in a room might be turned off, but it was never _dark_. The door closed with a soft thwack, and Jack went back to the living room to watch television.

* * *

The girl was sitting on the end of Sam's bed. She crawled over to Sam like a daughter trying to wake up her mother. Sam sat up and stared at the girl. 

The girl held out her hands.

"_Three bold men run down th' side of a hill,  
All are fast and none are still.  
Down to the banks where the river gleams,  
Reflections in the waters are not what they seem."_

Sam wondered how the girl could speak with so many voices at once, and why the veins in her wrists seemed to be so visible beneath her pale skin as she moved her hands in time to the chant.

"_Who are these men and where do they go?  
What about this life do they want to know?  
Do they want to know the future?  
Do they want to know the past?  
Do they want to know how to make this…" _the girl reached over and poked Sam in the shoulder, _"woman's life last?"_

Morning came without birdsong, the dim light of the sun only just penetrating the layers of dark clouds that hung over the sky. Sam drove to work, pretending everything was normal. She smiled, chatted with the other members of the SGC as she headed to her lab.

Daniel and Teal'c wandered in later that day, both claiming they hadn't talked to Sam in a while. She was only half absorbed in her work anyway, and for once found the distraction pleasant. She even managed to get a wry smile out of Teal'c.

A giggle. Daniel was talking about hieroglyphics. He wasn't giggling. Sam looked over at the door. The girl was standing there, watching Sam and laughing.

"_Three men stand in the blazing hot sun,  
Where will they be when the day is done?  
The bed that held water now is dried,  
The woman once so beautiful now has died._

_Who was that woman and where did she go?  
She won't be remembered and no one will know.  
Do you want to know the future?  
Do you want to know the past?  
Look up and see how a life will vanish oh…so…fast."_

"SHUT UP!" Sam screamed, leaping to her feet.

Daniel and Teal'c stared. The moment Sam had shouted came at a break in the conversation, and she was now glaring angrily at the empty doorway.

"Major Carter." Teal'c strode to her side, raising an eyebrow.

Sam pointed at the girl who was now smiling evilly at her.

"There is no one there."

Daniel walked over cautiously. He knew what it was like to see things that weren't there, to have your senses fooled and your mind warped. "Sam, I think we should go-"

The book in Sam's hand flew at the wall, striking where she'd seen the girl. But the girl was gone.

Teal'c's arms came around Sam, holding her tightly while she sobbed and beat at his chest with her fists.

"She got away! She always gets away!"


	4. And Now I'm Going

A/N – Thanks again for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!

**Mara-anni ** - glad you're loving it :D The girl isn't actually the same one from 'grace', but she sorta has the same concept. You'll find out more who and what she is later in the story.

* * *

Chapter 4: And Now I'm Going  


Jack knew this wasn't right. Sitting in the iso-room, Sam looked worse off than when she was throwing things.

Janet stood off to one side, talking to Dr. McKenzie. The phrase "trauma induced schizophrenia" kept floating over to Jack, making his stomach churn. He placed one hand flat against the glass, knowing Sam couldn't see him through the one way mirror.

"This isn't right."

Jack turned to see Janet standing next to him. He nodded.

She sighed. "None of this fits."

They went into the room, and Sam looked up at them. She looked confused, angry, but mostly just bored.

"Sam." Janet walked over to her and reached out to take Sam's hand.

She was doing it again. Sam hated it when the doctors did that. "I'm not crazy, Janet."

The girl, now a gaunt, unhealthy little thing with matted hair, stood in one corner, glaring at Sam with her empty eyes.

"I know…we're just worried about you." Janet smoothed her hands down the front of her lab coat in a self-conscious motion. "Did anything happen besides Pete hitting you with the book?"

Sam's eyes were on Jack, who stood awkwardly off to one side. Out of it's own accord, one of her hands reached out to him. The pleading look in her blue eyes was enough to bring him to her side, to sit next to her and drape his arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know what happened."

Janet blinked. "So something else _did_ happen?"

"He hit me."

"I know, hun, but did he do anything else?"

Jack's arm tightened protectively around Sam's shoulders. "Doc, I don't think we're getting anywhere." His eyes said clearly _'Let me talk to her'._

Janet nodded and left to go find Daniel. Sam reached up and with a funny little flick of her hand brushed some lint off the shoulder of Jack's black t-shirt. Jack cocked his head to one side.

"You alright, Carter? I don't think I've heard any of your techno-babble for at least a week."

That got a faint smile out of Sam. Barely there, but Jack had seen it.

What Sam wanted was for everything to return to normal, whatever normal was. She hated things she couldn't explain away rationally. Except for Jack, she could never explain him…but liked him all the same. She'd _thought_ she could explain Pete, that he was like a simple equation. Then he'd thrown in some strange variable and she'd lost all sense of what was true.

Her face buried in Jack's shoulder and her mind filled itself with pleasant fantasies of being right where she belonged.

* * *

Pete was not a criminal. He wasn't some man who was pleasant in public but abused his spouse in private. Janet knew that. 

She knew that because she knew Sam well enough to know that her friend wouldn't put up with something like that. No one could walk all over Sam. She was too tall, for one thing.

The pen fell from Janet's hand and she folded her arms on the table, lowering her head to rest on them. She was tired. For a couple days she'd thought that everyone might actually get a chance to be happy. She had Daniel, Sam had Pete…then one night Daniel had said something about Sam and Jack.

And all the reasons that Janet _didn't_ like her best friend's boyfriend came rushing back to her.

A noise caused Janet to look up. Jack was standing in the doorway, his eyes on the floor.

"Did you talk to her?"

"Nah, we just sat there." He sighed. "She's upset."

"Mm." A brief nod, causing Janet's brown hair to catch the light and for a second look almost dark red. She studied Jack. "You care about her a lot, don't you?"

Jack found himself talking to Janet, suddenly, not Dr. Fraiser. "Yeah." His voice was husky. "I care about her a lot."

Janet opened her mouth to tell him that he'd better not hurt her, but the look in Jack's eyes was enough to tell her she didn't need to.

* * *

Sam hated being left alone. Once she tried screaming just to get the nurse to come and sit with her for a while while the rest of SG-1 was off-world on some emergency meeting. 

Janet came to see Sam a lot. Sam liked that better than when Dr. MacKenzie came. The psychologist wasn't as friendly as Janet and wouldn't just talk to Sam, he'd interrogate her. Janet would talk, would try to joke.

After getting back from the mission, Jack came and sat with Sam. Their conversation was almost normal, until Jack said quietly, "Fraiser said you spazzed again today." That was his joking label for when the girl wouldn't stop talking and Sam had to throw something at her.

Sam looked at her CO and apologized quietly.

"Don't," Jack waved his hand, letting it fall to rest on Sam's forearm. "Its not your fault, Carter, we just want to know why you keep doing this stuff."

"She won't shut up unless I throw something at her." Sam said with a shrug.

"Who?"

Sam pointed to the corner of the room where the girl sat rocking herself. She looked sick now, her skin clinging to her bones and her eyes bulging. Her hair that at first had been long and flowing was now thin and wispy. She looked up at Sam and made a soft keening noise.

Jack stared for a long time at the spot. "Carter…" his voice softened. "Samantha, there isn't any one there."

Sam looked at Jack, then back at the girl, and back to Jack again. "God…" she whispered. "Sir, what's wrong with me?"

"I don't know."

His hand felt so gentle as he reached out and put it against her cheek.

He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, admiring her radiant blue eyes. The afternoon sun that slanted through the trees made her hair seem to glow as they sat together on a park bench. Sam was smiling, it seemed like forever since she'd last smiled. There was no one else on the path through the woods, so he wasn't hesitant as he leaned over to kiss her.

"I love you," he murmured. "Since the first day I met you."

Another radiant smile. "I know you do."

In that moment he knew for sure that he wouldn't want anyone or anything to ever come between them anymore. That if any other man tried to hurt her…he would most certainly have something to do about it.

As that sunny afternoon turned into twilight, Sam and Pete stood up and walked slowly back to the car, their arms around each other.

* * *

"No…" Hammond said, expelling his breath in a long sigh. "I don't think there needs to be a full scale investigation unless there's hard evidence that Shanahan did more than just attack Major Carter that once. He's in custody now, and I can assure you all he won't go unpunished." He turned to Janet. "How is Major Carter doing?" 

"She's still having hallucinations, sir," Janet reported. "She seems to be improving, though. I've been able to talk to her and I don't think Shanahan had done anything to her before this. That's why she's having so many problems dealing with it; it came as such a shock to her."

"I she still having those outbursts?"

Janet nodded sadly. "Those are directly connected to the hallucinations. We've got her on medications…there's no telling on how long or even if they'll work."

"Sir," Jack's voice cut in. "You're not just planning on keeping Carter locked up until we're absolutely sure she's not seeing things, are you?"

Hammond really, really hated making decisions like this. It was one of those times when he wished he could be more impartial. "Colonel, I regret to point out that Major Carter right now is jeopardizing not only her own safety but that of the others on base…for the moment she's staying where she is."

"But, Sir-"

"Jack." Daniel put his hand on Jack's shoulder. The expression on Hammond's face was enough to say that this meeting was over. In the hall, his arm around Janet's waist as the three of them walked, Daniel said, "It's funny…We spend all our time dealing with problems on a galactic scale, and then when we have to deal with something like this…something that could honestly happen to anyone…"

"…We're so lost." Jack finished. At the despair in his voice both Janet and Daniel looked up at him.

"Sam'll pull through this." Daniel reassured him.

Jack nodded wanly, turning purposefully away from the other two and walking down a side hall, headed no where in particular.


	5. To Fall into Darkness

Chapter 5: To Fall into Darkness

It was raining again. It had been raining that day when Jack found Sam, that day that seemed so long ago. Now Jack stood next to his car in the rain, his keys in his hand and doubt in his mind. A second later he turned and headed back into the base.

"Forget something, Colonel?" the sergeant at the checkpoint joked.

Sam was sitting cross legged on her bed in the iso-room, her laptop open in front of her, her fingers flying over the keyboard. The girl was sitting across from her, though Sam wasn't paying attention. They both looked up as the door opened and Jack walked in, trying his best to act casual.

"Hey, Carter." Jack pulled a chair up and sat down.

Sam closed her laptop. "Sir."

"It's raining outside."

Sam closed her eyes. Yellow patterns running down the wall and the soft sound of rain on the window. "Are you going to come find me again?"

"Huh?"

"Last time it was raining you came and found me." Sam opened her eyes and looked at her CO. "What about this time?"

"You really are lost, aren't you?"

"God, I don't even know what's happening to me!" Sam ran her fingers through her short blond hair in a desperate motion, her eyes wide. "I'm not even in pain anymore, but what's happening to me? I need to get out of here." _I need to get away from her. She won't stop staring at me._

* * *

Team nights were always enjoyable. A movie, pizza, beer…though both Sam and Teal'c just had soda. In the friendly company of her teammates, Sam forgot about the girl for a little while, forgot about the incessant worry that seemed to be hanging over her.

Jack raised his bottle. "Here's to Carter not throwing anything in the past week."

Sam grabbed the small pillow off the couch next to her and lobbed it at her CO. Daniel burst into laughter.

"Goddamn," Jack grumbled. "Just be glad McKenzie isn't here or he'd have you locked up again."

"They're called _throw_ pillows for a reason." Sam said.

Teal'c raised one eyebrow. "I do not believe they are intended to be thrown, however, Major Carter." Everyone rolled their eyes.

The stars washed across the sky and the moon shone so brightly it reflected in the waters of the lake. Jack's arms were folded behind his head as he lay sprawled on the grass, but Sam just sat with her head tilted back.

"You're going to get a crick in your neck." Jack patted the grass next to him.

Sam lay down, tucking one arm behind her head. Jack took her hand in his, holding them both up to the heavens and drawing constellations among the glowing stars. He went through the standard ones and then began just making up his own, trying to get a laugh out of Sam. When he found "The little gray butt of Thor" hanging above the eastern tree line, Sam did start laughing.

And laughing. For some reason, maybe the serious tone in which Jack said it, she found it positively hilarious. She rolled onto her side, curling up in a little ball in an attempt to get control of herself. Then she felt Jack behind her and she stopped.

"I wasn't that funny, was I?" Jack was on his side, propped up on one elbow, his free hand resting on Sam's shoulder.

Sam turned her head, still grinning. She could barely see Jack's face in the dark, but the feeling of his warm presence next to her was comforting. Jack's fingers came up to run through her hair.

"I've been so worried about you." He admitted quietly. "I still am worried about you."

She was doing better, but Jack didn't believe that everything was okay. It wasn't, but she wouldn't tell him exactly what was wrong.

Brave Carter, Jack thought watching her stand up and brush grass off herself. She thinks she needs to be strong all the time when really being strong worries some of us even more.

The girl returned that night. Sam was in her bathroom brushing her teeth when the ragged little being appeared in the doorway. She also spoke, for the first time since she'd been chanting.

"You think they care about you, don't you?"

Sam blinked. Responding to the girl would get her no strange looks from the pictures that hung on her walls. "They do."

"No they don't." The girl walked to stand next to Sam before the sink. She gazed at herself in the mirror, then grabbed a comb and began running it through her thinning, matted hair. "The just have to pretend to like you, 'cus you're so smart and they think they need you. But they don't actually."

"Shut up. Who are you anyway?"

"Someone who knows everything about your life." The girl turned to face Sam, her bulging eyes wide. "They don't care about you."

"Yes they do! They're like my family."

"Did Daniel or Teal'c come to find you?"

"Jack did."

The girl rolled her eyes. "He's almost old enough to be your father. Think, Sam, what interest would he have in you?"

"Go away!"

"No!" The girl walked over and put her thin hands on her hips. "Do us all a favor, Samantha Carter, and just kill yourself. No one wants you. Why do you think you've never been able to get past engagement? Why do you think all your past boyfriends have died? You're a bad person."

Sam sat down heavily on the lid of the toilet. She tried so hard to tell herself that this wasn't real, but the girls words… "No."

The girl's face was twisted. "You killed them. You killed them all. It's all your fault. It's your fault your father's dead too. If you'd noticed something was wrong earlier he wouldn't have died. If you were nicer to Pete he wouldn't have hit you. Everyone around you is just going to leave you, Sam, because none of them love you."

"Go away!" Sam screamed, and when the last echoes of her voice faded, she was alone again. Alone to cry once more and wonder if the girl hadn't been that far off.

* * *

"How much sleep did you get last night?"

The bright lights of the infirmary only did to show Janet just how tired Sam was. Sam shrugged listlessly.

"Sam," the petite doctor's voice was firm. "If you're not sleeping I'm going to say that I want you to stay on base. In your condition you need to get enough sleep."

_In your condition_. And what was that exactly? What was Sam's condition? You could hardly see the bruise anymore. Her mouth didn't hurt. Janet finished up and went over to the door. Daniel walked in and the two exchanged a few words and a tender kiss before Janet strode back into her office and Daniel walked over to Sam.

"Hey, Sam, how're you feeling?"

"Fine." Sam's condition was that she longed for someone to walk over and kiss her as tenderly as Daniel did Janet. She knew who she wanted that someone to be, too, but she knew he didn't care about her that way. Her condition was that she'd been tossed into a rut and the sides were too muddy for her to climb out again. A rut that was filled with the starving bodies of little girls, always pulling her back down again.

"You wanna go grab something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on." Daniel gave her a pleading look, so Sam stood up and followed him out of the room.

Later they sat at a table in the commissary while Daniel ate and Sam watched him.

"Did those investigators talk to you?"

Sam nodded. It had been a frustrating and uncomfortable affair full of intimidating words. "Yeah. They said he's in jail."

"He is."

"Good." The word slipped from Sam's lips and she almost felt bad about saying it. If she'd only been nicer to him he wouldn't have done it.

"Sam?" Daniel gave her a quizzical look.

She glanced up at him.

"This wasn't your fault."

Sam swore at times Daniel had picked up ESP when he was ascended. She shrugged.

Daniel sighed heavily. "Why don't you go do something you enjoy for a while? Like working on some new technology thing? Take your mind off stuff."

There it was, plain and simple. The girl had been right, they were only interested in Sam for her brains. She stood up and walked out of the commissary a little more abruptly than Daniel had expected.

* * *

"Anyone seen Carter?" Jack stuck his head into Daniel's office.

Daniel stepped away from Janet and gave Jack an annoyed look. "Last time I saw her was at lunch. I thought she was going up to her lab to work on something."

"She's not there now."

"Did you try calling her house?" Janet suggested, running her hands over her shirt to smooth out the wrinkles. "She might have just gone home to get some rest."

Jack shrugged. "I was on my way home anyway. I'll stop in and make sure she's alright."

He left the base and got into his car, driving the familiar rout to Sam's house. Dark gray clouds were looming ominously in the sky, and the air was heavy with moisture. Jack didn't like it. It made him nervous.

Sam's car was in her driveway, but she didn't answer the doorbell. Jack kicked aside the mat with one foot and grabbed the spare key, letting himself in.

Sam's coat and bag were tossed carelessly on the floor of the living room. Jack's heart began pounding.

"Carter?"

* * *

The first drop of rain hit the bedroom window.

So much had happened in the rain, Sam thought. So much. In the movies it was always raining when someone died. How oddly fitting.

She heard a noise downstairs but ignored it. She didn't give a care if it was one of her teammates or the goddamn NID. Could be a goa'uld system lord for all it mattered.

The gray light from the window glinted off sharp metal.

* * *

Jack crept slowly up the stairs. Sam's bedroom door was open and that's where he founder. And he was honestly surprised that he didn't scream.

"Carter! Stop!"

Sam looked up at him with empty eyes. Angry red lines crisscrossed themselves over the back of her arm.

"Sam," Jack walked to her, holding out his hands. "Give it to me."

Sam shook her head and looked down. In a flash Jack was before her, on his knees, grabbing her uninjured arm in one hand, twisting her wrist enough to get her to drop the razor.

Sam stared at him, then fell into his arms. They clung to each other, both sobbing miserably as the rain fell heavier against the windows.

It was always raining in the movies when someone died…and Sam felt the girl's prescence expire like a candle being blown out.


	6. But You're the One Always Saving Me

Chapter 6: But You're the One Always Saving Me

This wasn't right. Oh god, this really wasn't right. Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd cried this hard. It had probably been when Charlie died. But now he was sitting here on his 2IC's bedroom floor, crying his eyes out, holding her while the cuts on her arms smeared blood on his shirt and the rain hit the window with a steady tat tat tatting.

Sam was crying too, and that only made Jack cry harder.

* * *

"Jack." 

Jack looked up. He'd been sitting at the table in the briefing room for an hour or more, while Hammond spoke on the phone to someone at the Pentagon. Now Hammond came out, looking tired. They'd all been looking tired for the past couple days.

"Well?"

"They're expressing their concerns about Major Carter's mental health and frankly…" Hammond sighed. "They're giving me a strong recommendation to discharge her."

"What?!" Jack stared at the general. "Sir, you can't do that! Carter's brain alone is more valuable to this country than the rest of us put together!"

_They don't want it if it isn't working right…_"Jack," Hammond sat down. "I don't want to. I know exactly how valuable she is, but she tried to kill herself. If it weren't for you she probably would be dead right now. Dr. McKenzie diagnosed her with schizophrenia-"

"Sir she hasn't shown any symptoms since I found her." Jack pointed out. "In fact, she's been acting more normal now than she has in the past few months."

"I know that. And I'm not going to discharge her without a fight. But…" And here he was having to play the devil's advocate now. Or maybe not, but he knew it would seem that way to Jack. "This could be for her own safety as well as the team's. And I'm not saying that she'd be fired from the SGC. But the military doesn't want someone _that_ unstable on active duty when she could endanger the lives of others-"

"Sir!" Jack interrupted again. "I've worked with Carter for over seven years and no matter what she would _never_ endanger anyone else's life."

"Colonel," Hammond said sharply. "I already told you that I'm not going to just dismiss her point blank, but I'm just warning you that there's the chance she won't be able to serve on SG-1 anymore."

Jack stood up. He sighed, then turned around and walked out of the room. Heading down to the infirmary, he stomped into Janet's office. The doctor looked up.

"Anything I can do for you, Colonel?"

"Is there any news on Carter?"

Janet nodded. "Dr. McKenzie says she's been showing great improvement. He says that she hasn't been having any more visual hallucinations…" she smiled. "He also says that she seems a lot better each time you visit."

Jack smiled faintly as well at that. "I should go see her tonight."

"They're thinking about letting her come back here." Janet murmured. "It's been over three weeks now."

Jack nodded, and turned to leave.

"Jack?" It seemed so strange to hear Janet calling him by his first name. Even stranger than when Sam did it. Jack turned around. Janet looked at him seriously. "I never thanked you for what you've done for her."

"I care about her." Jack said. "A lot."

Janet smiled. "I know. She needs someone to do that."

* * *

It was sunny when Jack drove Sam back to the SGC. For the first part of the drive from the hospital they talked about nothing in particular; Daniel's latest antics, some goa'uld technology recovered by SG-3… Then Jack asked Sam how she was doing. 

"I'm better." Sam hadn't heard the girl in a long time, not since that night she tried to…best not to think of that. And when she was alone she no longer heard the whispering voices that had continued a few days after the girl had left. The sadness was still there, but Sam doubted that would go away anytime soon. "Right now my biggest worry is that they won't let me be on SG-1 anymore."

Jack sighed heavily. "I won't let them do that." He turned to look at her. "And you know why? Because we could search the entire galaxy and we wouldn't find anyone that could hold a candle to you."

"Thank you, Sir." Sam whispered. She wondered vaguely how much longer she'd have to call him that.

"Hammond can't dismiss you." Jack said.

Sam nodded slightly, staring out the window. After a minute of silence she said, almost to herself, "I think I want to go talk to Pete."

"Oh, fer cryin' out loud, why?" Jack's voice was a little louder than he'd intended.

"I need to," Sam turned to look at him. "I don't know why, I just do." She sighed. "Maybe to just show him what he's done to me."

"Do you want me to come with?"

"I was going to ask Daniel." Sam said. "No offense, Sir, but you're the last person he should see me with."

Jack's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. "What? Why?"

"He thought we were having some sort of…I don't know…affair or something…"

Jack gave Sam a questioning look.

"I guess he thought I talked about you too much, and maybe I did, but I didn't mean…" her voice trailed off.

"Yeah." Jack picked up, filling the awkward silence. "Kerry thought the same thing…That girl I was with…But, Carter, look, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, sir."

"I know, but," he stopped at the red light, and turned to look at Sam, "I care about you, a lot. I really do. You don't know how hard this has been on me to see you like this."

"I know you do," Sam said quietly. "But…I can't really talk about this right now."

* * *

SG-1 sat at the long table in the briefing room. It could have been any other day, any other briefing. Except for the tension that hung like thick gray clouds over the room. Sam was clicking her pen rapidly, until Jack reached over and grabbed it, throwing it across the room. Under the table Daniel's foot jittered nervously. Teal'c stared stonily at the wall. 

The door to Hammond's office opened and the general stepped out, trying to be as composed as ever. He walked over and sat at the head of the table.

He clasped his hands, and looked up at the team. "Major Carter," he began, then stopped as his mouth went dry. He hated doing this. Hammond tried again. "Major Carter, I want you to know that I have fought on your behalf, because of your value to this program."

"But…?" Jack said, his fingers clenching the edge of the table so hard his knuckles were white.

"But, regulations are regulations…" Hammond sighed, giving Sam an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Major, but I'm being ordered by my superiors to discharge you."

Sam didn't react. She'd done so much reacting in the past weeks that she felt she had no energy left for this latest shock.

"No." Jack said. He brought his hand up, then slammed it down on the table. "No I won't let that happen!"

"Colonel, calm down!" Hammond snapped. "I'm not finished yet. Maj…" he corrected himself awkwardly. "Dr. Carter, as far as I'm concerned there wouldn't be an SGC without you. As far as we're all concerned, there wouldn't be a planet earth without you. We all know how valuable you are to this program, and there's no way in hell I'm getting rid of you completely. So you will continue your work as a scientist on base."

"Thank you, sir." Sam said quietly, looking down at the table. The fake wood pattern suddenly seemed very interesting.

"And…continue your research off-world." A faint smile twitched the corner's of Hammond's mouth as Sam looked up in surprise. "Just don't tell anyone at the Pentagon you're still carrying a P90. As far as they know your purposes on SG-1 won't be any different than those of Dr. Jackson."

Jack looked immensely confused. "Wait…What?"

Hammond shrugged. "It's all about what this looks like on paper."

* * *

"When life hands you lemons…" Jack proclaimed, entering the living room where his teammates sat. "Get drunk." He grinned cheekily at Daniel and began passing out beers. "See? Oma's not the only one who can make up crazy sayings." 

"Yeah, the thing is, Jack…Oma's sayings are meant to provide insight into life's greater mysteries."

Sam stared at the bottle handed to her. It was cold and very inviting. "Thank you, sir."

"Ah!"

"…Jack."

"Better."

A few hours later they were all sufficiently drunk as follows; Jack was rambling on while Daniel listened intently and Sam sat sullenly on the couch. A short while more, and Daniel was fast asleep.

"C'mon, SamCarter," Jack said in a ridiculous parody of Teal'c, who was sipping juice in an armchair. "Let's go observe the stars."

Sam took the hand that was offered to her and got to her feet, swaying as she and Jack stumbled out to the backyard. Jack flumped down on the grass and patted the ground next to him.

"We're getting into a routine here," Sam said quietly. "It rains, you save me, I feel better, we look at the stars."

Jack chuckled. "Only thing is I didn't save you enough this time."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Sam looked up at him. "I've got you to thank for that."

"True."

Sam knew they were both drunk. She knew neither of them were thinking straight, but Jack's lips looked so inviting, and felt so soft and warm pressed against hers that she couldn't help herself. And when she woke up the next morning with a splitting headache, streatched out on his guest bed, and found that she couldn't remember exactly what happened last night it was okay, because the memory of that kiss stood out sharply in her mind, and always would.


	7. So Now I've Found Lucidity

A/N – Well, here's the last chapter! I had a hard time finishing this, and I still feel like there might be some questions. So if it's still unclear, mebby you can talk me into doing an epilogue or something….

Chapter 7: So Now I've Found Lucidity

The morning sun fell through leaves and then the curtains to cast a flickering golden pattern on the wall of the guest room. That was the first thing Sam noticed as she opened her eyes; that pattern on the wall, flickering and changing as the trees were blown about by the slight wind. Sam heard quiet laughter from the kitchen, the sounds of pots and pans being moved and the unmistakable deep rumble of Teal'c's voice.

Looking down at herself Sam realized with some embarrassment that she was still fully dressed except for her shoes, and lay sprawled on top of the blankets. She had a vague memory of Jack helping her back in and then dumping her on the bed.

The door opened. "You awake?" Jack asked, grinning.

"Mhmm." Sam sat up and stretched, then winced as pain shot through her head. "You got any aspirin?"

Jack chuckled. "Yeah sure ya betcha. But I'm sure one of my world famous omelets will do you just as much good."

The smell of food wafted in and Sam heard her stomach rumbling. Jack leaned on the doorway, watching as she slowly got to her feet. Daniel and Teal'c were already sitting at the kitchen table with plates of food before them. Daniel looked even worse off then Sam felt. A bottle of aspirin sat in the middle of the table. Sam grabbed it and swallowed two of the small white pills.

Jack set a plate down in front of her then sat down himself. He raised a glass of orange juice. "Here's to things going back to normal. Or at least as normal as they ever get."

* * *

Sam was absorbed completely in her work, tracing a maze of colored wires around a circuit board, figuring out what each did, what part of the code on her computer screen it was connected to, and slowly figuring out what the strange probe from P6Y-903 was for. It certainly wasn't goa'uld technology, they'd figured that much out. 

A pair of hands settled on her shoulders and she jumped.

"Easy, Sam," Jack said quietly, giving her shoulders a squeeze. "It's just me." He peered down at the mess of electronics. "Whatcha doin'?"

Sam sighed and sat back, setting her tools aside. "I _was_ trying to figure out what this thing was for." She turned around and saw that Jack had changed out of his uniform. At the confused look on her face, Jack began laughing.

"I'm starting to see why geeks have trouble going on dates," he said. "They get so wrapped up in their work they forget about them." Jack sighed, shaking his head. "I'm supposed to take you out for dinner tonight, remember?"

"Oh, right!" Sam grinned and got to her feet. "Give me five minutes to change." She hurried out of the room.

* * *

Jack watched over the table as Sam pulled a small orange pill bottle out of her purse, shaking one of the pills into her hand. She caught him watching her and blushed slightly. "I have to take them with food." 

"They helping at all?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know if it's me or the pills."

"So who was she?" Jack rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward to look at Sam.

Sam frowned. "Who was who?"

"Whoever you kept throwing things at."

"Oh," Sam looked down, fidgeting nervously with her napkin. She made a face. "According to McKenzie she was 'a projection of my inner turmoil' or some bull crap like that. "

"Ah, doctors," Jack mocked. "Who needs em?"

Sam cracked a grin. "Daniel does. Well, just a certain doctor by the name of Janet Fraiser."

"Oooh yes," Jack leaned back in his chair. "See, those two I understand. Their minds work the same way; fast. Now, that Colonel O'Neill and Samantha Carter, those two I just don't get. How can someone as smart and beautiful as her like someone as gosh-darn stupid as him?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Jack, you're not stupid."

"No, just mentally challenged."

Sam reached over to slap him on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For dragging yourself down all the time!" Sam took a sip of soda from the glass in front of her. "You think they'd let you be the head of SG-1 if you were stupid?"

"Yes." Jack replied, and was only saved from another playful slap as the waiter brought their check over.

Later that night they pulled up in front of Sam's house, and Jack got out to walk her up to the front door. On the steps of the porch he stopped, awkwardly digging his hands into his pockets.

"It being our third date and all, aren't you supposed to invite me in for coffee or something?"

"Hmmm," Sam unlocked the door, then turned around to face Jack. "I don't know about coffee, but the 'or something' sounds rather appealing to me."

Jack's hands were on her shoulders the second the door shut behind them, he slipped her jacket off and then began kissing her slender neck. Sam turned, their lips connecting, their arms tangling around each other as she began to back up towards the living room.

Her foot caught on something and she tripped. They both crashed to the floor.

"Oh, shit, Sam, you ok?" Jack had managed to land on his side, not putting any weight on her.

Sam blinked up and him and laughed. "I'm fine. C'mere." She pulled Jack over her, kissing him hard. One of his hands shot out to brace against the floor and his fingers touched a spot where the carpeting was slightly rougher. He pulled his lips away from Sam's with a quiet smacking noise.

"Sam…"

"What?"

It came flooding back to him, that night he'd opened the door to find her laying there, bleeding and bruised. Cold shot through his body. "Fuck," he muttered.

Sam tried to turn her head to see what he was looking at. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this, not here."

Sam sat up and looked around. "Let's move then."

* * *

Jack was absorbed completely in his work; tracing a maze of complex patterns with the tips of his fingers on Sam's lower back. Every bit of her fascinated him, the arch of her spine, the smoothness of her skin, the soft curves of her breasts. She was so beautiful and amazing to him on a whole new level now. 

Sam, her arms folded under her chin, turned and looked up at him, catching the misty eyed expression in his dark eyes. She smiled lightly. "What?"

Jack's hand slid down to her side, pulling her body closer to his. "I feel like I'm dreaming," he murmured.

"Really?" Sam reached up to brush her fiingers over his cheek. "I feel like I just finally woke up."


End file.
